Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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