When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize