I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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