The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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