forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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