Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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