just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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