why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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