Your mouth is God's brothel.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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