I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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