So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
organizing the empties. That sober.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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