Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize