I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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