So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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