6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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