I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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