Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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