I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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