you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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