You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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