I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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