Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize