Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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