Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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