lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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