Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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