Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize