Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize