two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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