remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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