i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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