Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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