I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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