Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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