Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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