yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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