my phone needs a breathalizer
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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