sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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