I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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