And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize