just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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