My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize