i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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