you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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