piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize