btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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