I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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