I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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