After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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