Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize